


A Pang in Your Chest

by dansleftboob



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5338058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dansleftboob/pseuds/dansleftboob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Dan ever got a pang in his chest when looking at Phil was, in Dan’s mind, a strange point to get it. The two had been stood on the train station platform, having just finished a radio show, maybe Dan would have found it more normal if Phil had actually been looking at him but no, Dan’s heart apparently decided to clench when he was looking at his best friend staring off into the distance, probably lost in a some daydream about dogs or something. That made Dan’s breath hitch. A completely normal thing. And it took Dan’s breath away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pang in Your Chest

The first time Dan ever got a pang in his chest when looking at Phil was, in Dan’s mind, a strange point to get it. The two had been stood on the train station platform, having just finished a radio show, maybe Dan would have found it more normal if Phil had actually been looking at him but no, Dan’s heart apparently decided to clench when he was looking at his best friend staring off into the distance, probably lost in a some daydream about dogs or something. That made Dan’s breath hitch. A completely normal thing. And it took Dan’s breath away. 

“Hey, Dan?” Phil said as he turned to look at him.

Dan gave him a nod to let him know he was listening.

“Do you want to order pizza when we get home?” Phil asked and Dan let out a breath. 

“Yeah, sure." 

The second time Dan got it, the drumming in his chest, was when Phil was curled up against the arm of their sofa, feet tucked underneath him, coffee cup clasped in both hands, warming them up. Dan sighed as he watched Phil lift the cup to his lips to take a drink before turning his attention back to the anime they’d chosen to watch that morning. 

After the fifth time it didn’t happen much. Or it did. Dan had just decided it was nothing to worry about. He had elected to ignore it. But the 9th time it happened he couldn’t ignore it. He and Phil had gotten bored and Dan suggested they go out for dinner, somewhere nice. Phil had smiled softly at Dan from across their table as a waiter poured their wine and Dan cursed whatever little bird that had put the idea in his mind that he and Phil were on a date, because after it was there, it wouldn’t go away. Not as Phil laughed at whatever Dan had said, not as the waiter spilled his food on the floor before managing to get it to their table, not as Phil offered Dan pieces of Phil’s own food whilst they waited for Dan’s to be remade. And certainly not as Dan insisted on paying the bill. 

"Dan are you okay?” Phil asked and even though the question made Dan get that fucking leap in his heart for the twenty third time, he nodded.

 

“Yeah, I’m alright.” 

And that wasn’t exactly a lie. He was alive. Good enough. But he’d realised something. Something he’d never once thought he’d ever realise in his lifetime. He wasn’t straight. But he’d realised something more than that. Something that scared the shit out of him even more than not being straight. 

He was in love. 

They argued. Not necessarily because Dan wanted to. But because he was frustrated and normally when he was frustrated about something he would rant to Phil about it but he just couldn’t this time and it was driving him nuts. 

So when Phil had asked “What is with you, lately?” 

Dan snapped “What’s with me?” 

“That’s what I asked.” Phil snapped back

“What’s with me, is you.” Dan spat, sentence short and cold. But the minute he looked up to see an expression of blank shock on Phil’s face, he instantly regretted it. 

“Me?” Phil asked, his voice threatening to break and Dan had fucked up, he really really had. Phil’s lip trembled and he straightened his back “If I’m so much of a problem for you then…” Phil clenched his fists at his sides, struggling to get any words out “Fine.” And with that Phil headed for the door.

“Fine, what?” Dan asked, following Phil to the door. 

“I don’t know just-” Phil snapped “Fine.” 

“What does that even mean?” Dan groaned, stepping in the way of the door so Phil couldn’t leave him. 

“It means-” Phil started, tone harsh and Dan thought that once he took a minute, the edge in his voice would dissipate into something more soft and gentle and… Phil…. But no, Phil started talking again with the same amount of venom he’d had since the start “It means that if I cause you that much bother then I should just go.” 

Dan’s heart didn’t leap this time, it dropped. Phil stared at him a moment longer, expecting him to say something but Dan couldn’t fucking say anything, not now. If he had been able to do anything but stand there like a complete twat then he would have but he just couldn’t do it. Dan watched Phil’s face drop before Phil pulled the door open against Dan’s back, pushed past him and slammed the door back behind him. 

“Shit.” Dan cursed himself as he slid his back down the door until he was sat on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest “Shit.” He repeated because he’d never fought with Phil before. Not as seriously as that, anyways. And he was scared. He was so damn scared. He tried texting Phil but when he didn’t get answer he decided to block his number, knowing a)Phil wouldn’t answer if he knew who it was and b) Phil wouldn’t have Dan’s number memorized, and call him. 

“Hello?” Phil said when he picked up, and to anyone else he would have sounded completely fine. But Dan could hear it in the way Phil’s voice wavered, he was falling apart. And it was all Dan’s fault. 

“Phil.” Dan sobbed into the phone, he heard Phil give an exasperated sigh on the other end.

“Thought I was a problem.” Phil snapped and Dan winced, Phil was never this harsh with him. 

“No.” Dan cried “Phil, please. I-”

“Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurt?” Phil growled. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan gasped and when Phil didn’t say anything he turned desperate “Phil, I’m so sorry, please come back.”

“I thought I was your friend but apparently I’m just some big stressful fucking burden on you.” Phil rambled and Dan could hear the ache in his voice.

“No, Phil. You’re my friend. You’re my best friend. You’re not a burden on me. You’re not. I’m so-” Dan had to stop so he could cough, which turned into a sob before he spoke again “I’m sorry, please. Come back. I need you to come back.” 

Phil sighed and Dan could almost see Phil wiping away his tears, keeping his eyes trained on the ground so no one saw him crying. “I want to come back but- When I asked what was wrong, you said it was me.” 

“I didn’t mean it.” Dan sobbed “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Well, how else could you have meant that?” 

“I meant-” Dan took a deep breath “I love you.” 

“I meant that I love you and I couldn’t tell you and it was so frustrating and I just- I’m so sorry.” 

the other person has cleared

Phil hung up on him. 

Dan told him he fucking loved him and he just hung up. Dan felt his chest tighten and he put a hand to it, heaving out another sob. Phil hung up on him. He should have expected as much. But it fucking hurt. 

He tried calling, texting, even snap-chatting. Nothing worked. Phil didn’t answer him. 

A half hour later he picked himself up of the floor and went to the lounge, where he proceeded to fall back onto the floor. He wanted to cry again. But he was cried-out. He was too fucking numb to even notice the sound of the front door opening and closing again. He was too numb. 

“Dan?” Phil’s soft voice came from the doorway of the lounge and Dan whipped around to look at him. 

“Phil?” Dan’s voice trembled as he stood up. He wanted to run and pull Phil into a hug and tell him how sorry he was. But he was scared that the only reason Phil came back, was to get his stuff and then run as far away from Dan as possible. 

“I-” Phil started, taking a step into the room, before taking another step back “I’m sorry, my phone died.” 

Dan felt his shoulders drop in relief. Phil hadn’t hung up on him on purpose. 

“Well?” Phil asked and Dan suddenly forgot every single word he had planned to say. 

“I’m-” Dan started but the way Phil’s eyes were still ablaze with anger scared him. “Phil.” He started to cry, pathetically reaching for his best friend. Phil didn’t move. Dan was falling apart in front of him and he didn’t even fucking move. Dan, in desperation, stepped further towards him, reaching for one of his hands, pulling him into the room. Phil didn’t pull back or anything, but he certainly wasn’t jumping for joy at the idea of hugging Dan right now. So all Dan did was just pull him forward, so they were stood close, not touching close but close enough for Dan to feel Phil’s shaky breaths, close enough for him to see the tears brimming Phil’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s just…” Phil sighed “I don’t know what the hell I did to you.” 

“Nothing.” Dan cried “You didn’t do anything, you’ve never done anything. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry. I tried to ignore it but I just-”

“Ignore what?” Phil cut in and Dan’s mouth clamped shut. He was supposed to say it. He was supposed to be telling Phil, getting it out there. But he just fucking couldn’t. “Dan?”   
“I- I- Can’t” Dan stuttered “I can’t say it, Phil. I can’t say it again.” 

“Say what?” Phil asked and Dan still couldn’t get the words out so he ran his hands along Phil’s chest to stop at his collar and fiddle with it, and stared at him with a look on his face that he hoped said ‘please get it, please get it, please just fucking get it’. Dan thanked every god he’d ever heard of when he saw Phil’s eyes widen with realization. He got it.

“What are you doing?” 

Or not. 

“What?” Dan asked and he stopped his fidgeting but kept his hand on Phil’s chest “I’m trying to tell you without actually telling you.” 

“How on earth is that going to work?” Phil said “I’m not a mind reader.” 

“I just thought- it’d be easier-” 

“Just say what you need to say.” Phil said, gripping Dan’s hands and pulling them away from his collar, keeping them clasped in his own. “Please?” 

Dan stared at his hands, Phil’s thumbs running over his knuckles in an attempt to comfort him which made Dan smile slightly, even when Phil was angry, he was still gentle, caring. Phil wore a curious expression when Dan looked back up at him and Dan could finally say it. 

“I love you.” 

“Dan, we’ve said that before.” Phil said

“Yeah, as friends.” Dan countered and he watched Phil’s jaw drop open “I don’t mean as a friend, Phil.” 

Phil dropped Dan’s hands, and Dan for a minute was scared Phil was going to run for the hills but the thought, thankfully, dissipated when Phil’s hands rested on his hips “Really?”   
Dan nodded “I’ve been so frustrated because I couldn’t tell you and it just- it stressed me out. I’m sorry.” 

Phil smiled softly and brought a hand up to cup Dan’s cheek, gently pulling him in so he could press his lips to Dan’s. Dan’s arms wrapped around Phil’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Phil deepened this kiss before pulling away and leaning his forehead on Dan’s. 

“I love you too.” 

That time Dan’s heart didn’t just clench, it fucking soared.


End file.
